Aunt refuses to accommodate 3-year-old's allergies for monthly family dinner, tells sister-in-law to 'put the kid in a plastic bubble': 'You seem to have a bone to pick with a 3-year-old'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 13, 2024 3:00 PM EST

Family dinners can bring out all kinds of clashes within a family unit. Think of the show Gilmore Girls. The whole inciting incident of that program is that Lorelai's rich parents will pay for Rory's expensive private school as long as they all attend Friday night dinners at their house. And that causes enough drama to last seven seasons. When you have a large swath of personalities all coming together for the sake of… something, plus decades of family drama, you're bound to get some tension. 

However, the tension in this situation had a curious origin point when an aunt refused to take seriously the allergies of her nephew, and the kid's mom exhausted options on how best to care for him. So what resulted was a clash of personalities worthy of a television episode. Read on for the details and see who you think was in the wrong, since commenters were split. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10440137984
    via Unsplash+ (Andrej Lišakov)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

  • 02
    AITA I told my SIL to get a babysitter or a plastic plastic bubble for her kid.
    via u/JellyfishWoman
  • 03
    My SIL f30 has a toddler under 3. A few months ago she decided that the local family should rotate a family dinner one day a month. Locally it's her family my husband and their younger brother and his new wife. SIL hosted first at their home. Little brother picked a restaurant. We can't host at home because nephew is allergic to everything and I have cats.
    via u/JellyfishWoman
  • 04
    I mean it when I say this kid is allergic to everything. Milk, wheat, eggs, soy, tree nuts, peanuts, and half a dozen others that I don't remember. Oh, hubs and I don't have or want kids. When it was our turn I suggested 3 restaurants that were middle distance for all 3 families. One was a pizza place with a brick oven that I said I preferred.
    via u/JellyfishWoman
  • 05
    SIL goes one by one of why she can't bring her fragile child to any of those places. The pizza place was a no go because of "wheat dust" in the air giving the kid a rash. I pointed out in the group chat that she always brings baby/toddler food for the kid and they never eat off the menu anyway. I also suggested that she could get a babysitter since she's been trading off babysitting with a mom from her church.
    via u/JellyfishWoman
  • 06
    I suggested 3 restaurants total and the babysitter but everything was rejected. That's when I told her to get a babysitter or put the kid in a plastic bubble. (I erased a line that definitely would have made me the AH "the kid is too fragile to survive outside of the womb')
    via u/JellyfishWoman
  • 07
    Resolution: Instead of a dinner we're going to a botanical garden to see a Christmas thing. I'm sure we'll discover new things that the kid is allergic to while we are there. ETA the second restaurant was a Greek place, that was a no because of yogurt the third was a place that does Chinese noodles and dumplings, wheat again. BIL chose a major chain steakhouse.
    via u/JellyfishWoman
  • 08
    • Primary-Criticism929 19h ago • I'm going with YTA, because, let's be real, you sound like a huge one. It's almost as of you don't believe the kid has allergies and that your SIL is making them up for unknown reasons. The kid has a lot of allergies and I'm sure it's very difficult to find a restaurant to eat with him, but try being his parents who have to advocate for him because of a h les like you or being the kid who has to watch everything he ingests or breathes.
    via u/Primary-Criticism929
  • 09
    bill-schick • 17h ago. I disagree and say NTA, SIL knows OP's home has cats the child is allergic to, OP suggests restaurant but SIL complains about childs allergies even though she brings the child their own food to eat. SIL is the problem here.
    via u/bill-schick
  • 10
    ALostAmphibian • 17h ago. Top 1% Commenter I dunno. ESH. This kid has a lot of restrictions but his mom decided they should rotate family dinner. Which includes a house the kid cannot enter because of cats which means a restaurant alternatively. I don't know what she expected or why everyone must participate in this if it's not feasible and her kid is the reason why. That's not getting into wether the kid will be in an environment with his food allergens
    via u/ALostAmphibian
  • 11
    or if everyone involved knows how to protect him from those allergens, not assuming anyone would go so far as to test them but SIL also presented a situation she insisted on that everyone cannot accommodate. That COULD be why OP sounds like an AH or they're just insensitive to this kid's allergies but I really don't get this family dinner business from the jump under the circumstances.
    via u/ALostAmphibian
  • 12
    bill-schick • 17h ago. So SIL is still the problem, don't start a dinner rotation schedule that your child may be super sensitive to. SIL should produce a list of acceptable restaurants and places since it's her perogative to not get a babysitter. SIL is placing an undue burden on the group in my view.
    via u/bill-schick
  • 13
    DontBeAsi9 · 18h ago. • You selected 3 restaurants. You could have simply asked SIL for a list of approved restaurants. Stop being a low-level . Your brother selected a restaurant that apparently was fine. This isn't so much about the food experience. It is about getting together as a family and hanging out for a bit.
    via u/DontBeAsi9
  • 14
    ravenofmyheart 19h ago • • I'm going with YTA and here's why: your disdain for the child is completely evident and I'm 99% sure very obvious to your SIL. I get it, dealing with kids s ks and that's fine if you don't want them! But then bow out of going and the rotation if you're going to be such a nasty person about it.
    via u/ravenofmyheart
  • 15
    birthdayanon08 18h ago . • YTA. One was a pizza place with a brick oven that I said I preferred. You wanted to go to a pizza restaurant with an open brick oven with a child who has a wheat allergy. So you're either an ah or an idiot. Your choice. If you don't like the options given to you, maybe you should get a plastic bubble for yourself to live in.
    via u/birthdayanon08
  • 16
    Emphasis No2201 .18h ago • YTA. I have severe, life-threatening allergies, and cross contamination between people is something I have to really watch out for. You know what my family does when we have family dinners, whether at home or out in restaurants? They make sure I'm safe wherever we are, and no one eats foods with
    via u/EmphasisNo2201
  • 17
    nuts in them (they're my most severe allergy) to avoid cross contamination. And they have never once complained because they love me and care about my wellbeing. Your tone also makes it sound like you don't even like your SIL and/or nephew to begin with.
    via u/EmphasisNo2201
  • 18
    • Electrical_Sky5833 18h ago • YTA because you seem to have a bone to pick with a 3 year old. You should let them know that you do not want to participate, because you do not. So instead of being the miserable person tagging along, just exclude yourself into your safe space bubble.
    via u/Electrical_Sky5833
  • 19
    Obvious_Huckleberry . 18h ago. You really sound like an AH with how you talk about something that the kid has literally no control over. do you think they want to be allergic to everything? How about when you host a dinner.. you ask your sister about what is a safe meal that SHE cooks that you can make. If you don't know how to cook for the kid, ask the people who raise them. It really doesnt hurt you to do this.
    via u/Obvious_Huckleberry
  • 20
    My child doesn't have allergies but I worked as a cook at a school and I memorized EVERY allergy or diet restriction of ever kid I knew who had one and made sure they have proper substitutions. I even went as far as to buy lactose free pudding for two kids who were allergic to lactose.. so they wouldn't feel left out.
    via u/Obvious_Huckleberry
  • 21
    Do I have to do it? no... can it be frustrating? ABSOLUTELY it can but if you're not familiar with what can be made and such.. ask the people who know. Ask your sister for a list of safe places to eat and then you'll have a list you can pick from. There is a way to work with this where everyone can get what they need an have a good time.
    via u/Obvious_Huckleberry
  • 22
    Forward-Dingo1431 19h ago . • I must admit I laughed out loud when I read what you said! I guess that makes me an a hole then, too. I understand that having a child with allergies (especially so many) is difficult, but given the fact that she is the one who suggested this monthly ritual and shot down all of your suggestions, I would be frustrated too. It's a bit insensitive, bordering on assholeishness, but not terribly so, lol
    via u/Forward-Dingo1431
  • 23
    • sadilady18 17h ago. Why did SIL suggest rotating hanging out with family when she knows her kid is allergic to most of life and then get mad when family is struggling with providing accommodations? This isn't one to two things. I get that she probably doesn't want to host all of it, but if her child is that allergic to that many things she has to know that most of you guys aren't going to be set up to handle it?
    via u/sadilady18
  • 24
    mackeyca87 18h ago. • YTA- my daughter when she was born was allergic to almost everything. It was hard on me as a parent and on her just to keep her alive. She finally outgrown the allergies thank God! But I had supporting Sisters who helped me keep my baby alive and not be a total A about it. I hope you are one that never has kids because you need to have compassion to be a mother.
    via u/mackeyca87

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